5-27-24
The Day You Learned to Swim
Adeline, what happened? We were supposed to get through this together. It’s been over three years we spent together, and this is what it’s come to? They found your body floating there, lifeless. I wish I could’ve held you one more time. The things I would do to touch your smooth pale skin, to have your innocent green eyes looking into mine. My heart feels like it fell to the bottom of the ocean next to you, why didn’t you tell me? Please baby, come back. Come back. Come back. What do I have to do? I swear I’d give up anything. My baby, I need you. PLEASE I NEED YOU! I’ve never begged God more than I have the past three hours. My eyes burn red every time I think about you. Please tell me you love me again. I need to hear it.
5-28-24
The Day I Heard Your Voice
I’ve called your phone 86 times. I’m almost ashamed of myself for it. But I needed to hear your voice. I fell asleep thinking about you. I held your stuffed animals all night long. They still smell like you; it makes me feel like I’m stroking your hair the way it never had any tangles or knots; you were always perfect in that way. Why wouldn’t you tell me? Why did you feel like you had no other choice?
5-29-24
The Day You Told Me Why
I was at your house today. They let me take some of your belongings for keepsake. And then I found out why you did it. Your journal told me all about him. He’d never been a man, just a little boy. He treated you disgustingly. And I never knew why. God, my blood rushes every time I read it. The thought of him being out there, terrorizing people, sweet people like you baby, it hurts me. My love was never enough to make you forget. Neither were the substances, or the pain you caused yourself. It makes me wonder, maybe you leaving us was truly the only way to forget. The only way to rid him of your nightmares. I hope you have beautiful dreams, wherever you are.
5-30-24
The Day I Saw You Again
Your funeral was today. I haven’t seen you in five days, and God it was so relieving seeing you again angel, but the pain in your face wasn’t nearly enough to make up the time I lost with you. You looked so fragile, I felt like I had a mission to protect you from the bad energy, the bad things this cruel earth had living on it. I never doubted your beauty. My parents asked why I’ve been quiet all day, but have they not heard? I’ve been talking to you my love, I’ll talk to you every day. Not one day will go by, I swear. I’ve always meant it when I told you how much I love you. Don’t ever doubt me.
5-31-24
The Day I Went Crazy
For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about him. The man that caused all of this. If it weren’t for him, you’d be right here next to me. We’d be watching a movie; you’d be eating caramel popcorn with the spray butter that you always needed on top. The fizzy Dr. Pepper next to us, you could never finish a full one, but it’s ok, I always got to finish it for you.
6-1-24
The Day I Did Something Bad
I have to confess and you’re the only person that can know. I made a fake account, I made him meet up with me. I hurt him. I hurt him for hurting you. Are you proud of me? I did something to protect you, you can’t be mad. Baby, I had to. You and me, we agreed on it. I know you’ve been giving me signs. You’ve been in my dreams, in my head constantly. I know you were there to help me too, you made me stronger. We were stronger together. I know we’ve got this now.
6-2-24
The Day I Swam with You
I’ve been waiting for this day like a madman. I knew you would call for me soon. I’ve dived deep into my feelings, considering this for days on end. But I think I know what the right choice is, I need to see you. I think the only way is to find you where you last left me. I’m doing us a favor, that way we can still live our dreams together, in peace and integrity. I’ve been losing my mind for the past week, I’m self-aware enough to know that’s a fact. I thought it would pass, perhaps after the first couple days when I started feeling out of touch with my own body, and thought that maybe it was just grief. But it hasn’t gone away, so I’m following after your footsteps. We can both learn how to swim this summer.
Lilian Walton is 16 years old and a sophomore at Franklin Towne Charter High School. Born in Philadelphia, she has lived here my entire life, currently living with her dad, her older sister, and her cat, Camilla! She picked up writing as a hobby, and was given great feedback from classmates, friends, and her teachers. Lilian likes to read a lot, her favorite book is actually a 3-book mystery series, “A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder.”